Random Acts of Kindness

The other day one of my coworkers pulled me aside after we finished our daily check-out and mentioned that I seemed a little down and that if I ever wanted to talk, I shouldn't hesitate to call her. She smiled her ginuine smile at me (not the plastic, "hello my name is Cindy, how may I help you?" smile we use for 6 hours straight) and gave me her phone number. She promised not to judge me. She hugged me.

Now, I'll admit to having felt somewhat invisable of late. My friends are all in far-flung states or countries or continents, dutifully working full-time jobs or feverishly finishing finals or in completely opposite time zones. My family all have their own shtuff a-brewing. (And let me say that none of the above is bad. I am stoked for and inexpressibly proud of all the people in my life who are "out there" living--you ALL ROCK!) But all of the above factors do make it a little challenging to "talk" when I want to--or even when I don't. Cause the thing is, when Cindy randomly and generously reached out to me, I really was fine. I've been fine. I AM fine. But when I do have those dark moment, those hours or days or even weeks when I find myself wondering what the hell I'm doing and why I'm doing it and wondering what I should have done to alter my current curcumstances for the better, I do that thing where I sit in my car and think about who I might call. (More than likely I just end up at home blogging instead. Oye.)

I just feel so disconnected. Which is so far from the truth it's almost laughable. I have e-mail and Skype and facebook and a cell phone and snail mail for Christsake! And yet, with all of that, I look at the state of my relationships with you dear readers and I wonder--what can I do to let you know, as my kind coworker did, that I am HERE. I want to be avalible to you and I want you to know I care.

I guess I don't really have a point...other than that I've been watching to0 many clips from the "it gets better project" and "Vlogbrothers" in quick succession. I feel a restlessness in the form of a desire to help, to make a difference, and yet an equally large sense of inadeqacy and inexperience that seems to add up to "being found wanting."

So I shall do more research until I find a way to serve that seems right and proper to me. And until then I hope I can pay Random Acts of Kindness forward as much and as often as possible. I hope you'll do the same.