I find myself saying the above rather a lot lately.
Sometimes it is in answer to the kindly-meant yet oh-so-annoying queries about what my plans are for the future. All the other times it is one of many not-so-helpful phrases that chase each other around the inside of my head until I make the probably rash decision to blog about it. Go me.
I don't have a plan anymore.
I was a student. (Alas, poor Yorick!)
I was a nanny. (That was great, but, again...done for now.)
I try to work. (That doesn't get much farther than the kind-hearted family friends who pity me and thus allow me to watch their dogs for long weekends.)
I read a lot.
I research schools in half a dozen fields until I don't even know why I looked them up in the first place.
I job hunt on every website I've ever heard of until my eyes feel like they'll fall out, only to realize that I am unqualified for 90% of them. All the others would require me to move to Kansas.
(Insert appropriately descriptive yet forceful expletive of your choice here)
Thus, in a effort to distract myself from life for a while and perhaps even gain some perspective on my current situation I did what any self-respecting youth of my generation would do: I popped some popcorn and settled in to watch a classic of the John Hughes persuasion, St. Elmo's Fire, one of my personal favorites in any case and all the more now that I can personally identify with its characters (god help me.) Oh, and if you haven't seen it, shame on you and before you read any further I insist you go rent it and watch it for yourself. If you have a soul and a healthy apprciation for all things 80s I know you'll love it.
During the course of the film a group of post-collegiate friends attempt to navigate the rocky road of adult life and at a key moment near the end Rob Lowe's character describes St. Elmo's Fire as "flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them. There was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo...They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough."
Well, I won't lie. I wouldn't mind a little flash of St. Elmo's Fire in my life right about now. For like the character of Jules, I too confess to feeling oh so tired. I never thought I'd be so tired at 23. It almost makes me sad, knowing that never again in my life am I going to have the "opportunities" that I do right now. I simple wish they would look a little less like dead ends with caution tape and signs that say DANGER and a little more like friendly fuzzy woodland creatures who have come to help me clean up my life.
Therefore...
Now Hiring:
Life Coach (aka Fairy Godmother, aka Talking Tree, aka Giver of Guidance and Jell-O Shots, aka Rob Lowe circa 1985)
Duties:
(1) Using divine oracle or any other means necessary, provide sound advise and sage counsel in the matter(s) of one's occupational future, geographic settlement options, edification and directional determination thereof, financial stabilization, etc.
(2) Stick around long enough to witness the fruition of one or more of the above.
(3) If applicable, kick one's ass to achieve appropriate outcome.
Qualifications:
(1) Must embrace insomnia, sarcasm, BBC movie marathons, Bob Dylan, and the potential consumption of copious amounts of mint chip ice cream.
(2) Must have experience with procrastination (documentation of successful conquest preferred).
(3) Must have read (and loved to the point of impropriety) Bohumil Hrabal's Too Loud A Solitude.
Compensation:
Ah, there's the rub.
Applications are now being accepted.
Thank you for your consideration.
I apply for the slightely modified long-distance position.
ReplyDeletecompensation I require consists mainly of attempts to motivate me in return.
will administer most encouragement and/or ass-kickings via frequent skype conversations.
qualifications consist largely of being supremely confident that you are awesome and having a profound ability to sympathize with any and all of the aforementioned issues.
an entire wall of my apartment is dedicated to bob dylan (with the addition of one painting of the who), too loud a solitude is permanently on my bedside table, and sarcasm is my preferred method of communication. I watch bbc more than tyler thinks is healthy, have a long history of procrastination, and frequently experience book-induced insomnia. the only point of difference is that my ice cream consumption tends to the peanut butter chocolate variety.
awaiting your response.
I, too, would like to submit my resume to the pot. Though it will not meet your qualifications verbatim, I think you'll find that I have many valuable assets which may be substituted. Ehem:
ReplyDelete1. Though my advice may not always (or ever) be sound, I have long-perfected the art of making it seem as much.
2. I am fully and clearly agenda-free for the next... infinite span of time, and would subsequently be available for said viewing of fruition.
3. I have a little kickboxing experience, which I feel would come in handy for any ass-kicking that should prove necessary.
4. You're an insomniac, I'm borderline narcoleptic, does that mean we cancel each other out?
5. I cannot get enough BBC or Bob Dylan, and although I'm not much for ice cream myself, and generally prefer to replace it's consumption with that of inexpensive red wine, I do make an excellent sundae.
6. Procrastination. See also, My Life.
7. Rob Lowe and I could totally pass for related.
8. I have a way with fuzzy woodland creatures.
9. I clearly have no shortage of spare time on my hands, as made apparent by the fact that I just typed this painfully self-indulgent response.
10. We've been friends for 20 years. I think 2 decades qualifies me for something.
Love, Samara